Sweating Beauty

I envy all the perfectly-slender women working their ass off to look even sexier than they already are. It became challenging to lose weight once I hit my big-fat-3s. I think it’s bad enough I can’t easily shred my extra fat, but it gets worse when I have to run sweaty and ugly next to a not-so-fat younger woman. I usually try to use my envious energy to push myself to burn my over-flowing fat.

I was wearing my over-sized violet sweatshirt with my black training capri. My tangled hair ponytailed with a hot-pink scrunchy. I was messy and sweaty. Nothing about the way I looked was conventionally classy or attractive. The brown-girl (possibly South-East Asian) on the treadmill next to mine was medium built. She had her long, black hair finely combed down to her waist. I could not help but notice her caked makeup and her eye-liners thick and evenly done. She was dressed in a loose top with leggings. I can’t deny the fact she looked lovely but she was not much dressed up for the gym. It got me to thinking, why dress-up, or even wear makeup to the gym?

Based on her makeup alone, I have accused her of wandering around the gym solely to attract men and questioned the quality of her workout, because who seriously works out like that? My hostile assumptions are based on the fact that she is a woman with makeup on at the gym. As women, sometimes that is the trap we fall into when it comes to beauty and fashion, isn’t it? We assume there is only one right way — which conveniently is usually OUR way. We apply our own notions about what is "proper" onto women we don’t even know. In my case at the gym, the issues were contained entirely on one fellow gym-goer’s makeup and outfit.

It could be all those mirrors. That cruel and unforgiving lighting. Or simply not knowing who you might meet or bump into – or may like to bump into. I understand, women always want to look their best in public and the gym is one of the big social meeting places for people these days. Also, there have been several innovations with waterproof make-up recently that will supposedly breathe with our skin when we work out and will stay absolutely perfect even when we are pushing ourselves hard physically, so it’s much easier to look good working out.

I am a little skeptical, especially because exercising with makeup is bad for the skin. I will not deny the fact that I DO feel self-conscious about my dark under-eye circles and acne-marks, in addition to my not-yet-gym-toned body. But isn’t that the whole point of working my ass off at the gym? I wear makeup for work and when I go out. But I never wear makeup to the gym. If I go to the gym after work, I bring makeup removing wipes with me and wipe it off in the bathroom at the gym.

You may never see me rocking Kim Kardashian’s smokey eyes while I am huffing and puffing on the elliptical, but I do think that wearing makeup to the gym is a preference, not an indication that a woman is seeking the attention of sweaty gym bros or that a woman is less committed to getting a good workout. I think, the biggest obstacle a woman wearing makeup to the gym is enduring the very real possibility that other people were going to be as judgmental about her look as I usually am. The truth is, wearing makeup at the gym — or anywhere — doesn't mean you are seeking attention or you are not willing to work hard; wearing makeup to the gym means you feel like wearing makeup to the gym. Period.

Whenever I have just finished exercising — with baby hairs sticking up everywhere, pink cheeks, and sweat making my forehead shiny — I feel beautiful. I may not look as conventionally "good" as I would when more groomed up, but it's a beauty that comes from within. It comes from knowing I did something good for myself. Why should I assume women wearing makeup at the gym do not look forward to the same feeling? Why should I assume my method of feeling beautiful at the gym is the only one that exists? I may never wear makeup to the gym, but I will be making an effort to more open-minded running alongside a fellow Glamour Girl.

Winter's Dilemma

“Always maintain a kind of Summer in the middle of Winter.”
Oh that is some bollocks. There is only winter in the midst of winter.

I recently moved to London from Dallas, Texas. Yes. One can only imagine the extremity of this transition.

Transition periods can be unsettling but thrilling too. When I first visited London in 2011, I ardently fell in love with London. Walking by the iconic buildings, monuments and beautiful parks blew my mind away. It was like déjà vu. As a lit major, I read so much about London and the rest of England, that it was like I have lived here in my previous life. But now I have really moved to London for good, I started to question myself a lot – if London is the place I belong or do I really want be here for a really long time. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the history and architecture and the rich culture in London, but I must say, I really can’t stand the British weather.

According to me, Britain surely has one of the most odd and depressing weather. I have travelled quiet a bit. But I mostly travelled to warmer places around the world. How much of rain can you take? How many days can you go without seeing the Sun? (I guess that explains the British drinking problem)

There was a time when I used to celebrate rain. It was like an auspicious occasion. Something to look forward to. Now, in London, all I see is rain. It drizzles every day. I mean EVERY DAY! It is always wet and cold here. I assure you there is nothing about learning to dance in the British rain.

I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia, spent some significant years in monsoon Dhaka and many long years in scorching heat of Texas. All my life, I have only known heat. I did not know what it was like to be somewhere so sun-less!

Sun dresses, loose t-shirts with cotton capris, flip-flops, hot sand beaches, ice creams – seemed like a very natural thing. In Texas winters, I always looked forward to wear my designer boots matching with my pretty overcoats. I was excited to dress-up for 3 months of winter bliss.

Since last May, till today- every day it has been cold in London. Yes, somedays were chillier than other days. Bottom-line, it has been winter everyday. I have no idea why the British bother to name their seasons. It’s ONLY winter here.

My husband has been planning quick getaways for every long weekends we get. We tried to accommodate some mini-trips within U.K. around my frequent trips to U.S. Travelling excites me. And I love packing for trips. I get an extra opportunity to shop and re-do my wardrobe for the “season.” But to my utter-shock, every where we visited was chillier than London. Seriously! I had to wear heavier jackets, woollen beret, gloves and lot of layers under my “mountain jacket.” I was so disappointed that it really did not matter much what I wore under my mountain jacket. Epic loss!

Speaking of epic-ness, my husband planned couple more vacations in really cold places. He is overly thrilled to show me the haunting beauty of Ireland and the gorgeous highlands of Scotland in the coming few weeks. According to my husband, the weather will just get “nicer” everyday from now on because "summer" is just around the corner (wishful thinking). To my dismay, Ireland and Scotland will be colder than London (like I was boiling in London heat). Why o why?

Why can’t it get warm here? I wish there was a warmer place in U.K. I am so sick of wearing jackets that are much heavier than me. I want to go somewhere I can wear flip-flops and show off my beautifully done toe-nails. I want to visit somewhere so warm that I will only crave ice creams and I have to eat it before it melts and drips through my fingers. I wish for a REAL summer.

When in doubt. Wear RED.

It is widely believed, RED is a colour that makes women more sensual, energetic, sexy, and more bolder. Made popular by Hollywood actresses of yore like Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor who flaunted their red lips with panache, red lipsticks have stayed a rage with women down the ages. Most women wear red lipstick because nothing catches attention like it.

I was shy at first to wear red lipsticks, but now I LOVE it! There are many shades of red, so if you don’t feel comfortable trying out a bright fire engine red, there are more muted reds and berry reds that you can try. I have tried MAC’s RUBY WOO for couple of years. It’s vibrantly red and sexy. But it often made me look pale. At times, it made my face too big (not sure how and why), and also made me look older and may be “serious” (if that is possible).

Couple of weeks ago I went makeup shopping with a girlfriend while I was visiting Dallas. I bought MAC’s VIVA GLAM I. I am in love with it. It’s a warmer red and it beautifully compliments my warm brown skin tone. I can wear it more often and not look over dressed. I personally think red lipstick should be playful and youthful. I can pull this red lipstick comfortably with my casual pair of jeans or with my fancy little black dress. I am a person who could only comfortably wear nude lip colours, just so I don’t feel awkwardly attired. Even though there are many factors why I wear red lipstick more now. One, Londoners like wearing darker makeup. Londoners mostly dress in black and grey, and other neutral colours. I guess, it’s perfectly fine for Londoners to wear vibrant lip colours and have dramatic eye makeup. Second, it’s always raining here. It’s rarely bright and sunny here. So, I kind of always wear black coats just to blend better with the London weather and crowd. I guess little bit of red lips can create a colourful aura in this dull climate.

Red lips are elegant, glamorous, and never go out of style. The trick to wearing red lipstick flawlessly is prepping your lips with more precision than is needed with other less vibrant lip colours. When you wear red lipstick, it’s usually best to keep the rest of your makeup simple so that your lips can be the focus of your look. Also, make sure that it goes with the outfit you pick or the result can be disastrous. Like, I never wear bright lip colours with my colourful ethnic wear (I think it makes me look like that 'desi aunty' we never forget).

Red lipsticks are associated with passion, seduction, and flamboyance. Even the act of applying red lipstick is empowering. By dressing your lips in red, it draws people’s attention to you, especially your mouth, and subsequently, the words that come out of it. It’s a symbol of prowess. The thing about red lipstick – it’s a beautiful case of chicken and egg. It may require confidence to wear, but confidence can actually be a result of putting on red lipstick – and no one needs to know which comes first.

Women Love to Shop

It’s one of the oldest stereotypes, but it’s also probably one of the most accurate: WOMEN LOVE TO SHOP.

Men, on the other hand, don’t seem generally all that excited by the activity. There are, of course, some men who enjoy the browsing the racks as much as women (if not more) but many just appear to tolerate it, while some outright can’t stand the thought of shopping!

But the fact that women like to shop more than men is not just an empty stereotype — there is actually some scientific data to back it up. Back in 2013, researchers conducted a survey on British people and discovered that men get bored with shopping after just 26 minutes.

Women, meanwhile, are generally pretty happy shopping for hours before they start to get bored or stressed out. In my case, I tend to only get fed up when I can’t find what I am looking for, when shops become too crowded, or when my other half starts moaning about being bored or hungry.

Why is it that I love to try on every pair of shoes before deciding whether to buy anything at all, and my husband wants to get out of the mall seconds after we get in?

It's all in the genes!

According to Daniel Kruger, an evolutionary psychologist at the University of Michigan. Kruger argues that it's natural for women to love to shop and men to hate it because of our evolutionary past. Men were the hunters in our ancestral cultures, so when they find a satisfactory specimen, whether it's an elk or a pair of shoes, they want to shoot it and get out before it gets away. On the other hand, women were the primary gatherers in early hunter-gatherer cultures, so they feel a need to check every berry on the bush to make sure they are getting the best deal.

Polly Young-Eisendrath, professor of psychiatry and psychology at the University of Vermont, puts forward the theory that today’s method of shopping is simply an offshoot of advertising and commercialism that was created by corporations to encourage women to feel in charge.

As commercialism grew and grew, advertisers continued to tell women that shopping was a liberating way to act on one’s own desires and control one’s destiny. The phenomenon is depressing in retrospect, but I have got to admit it is something of a power-trip when I hand over my credit card at the cash register. It feels fantastic to be able to buy something what I want, when I want it….even if the power I feel is but a problematic illusion.

Action Expresses Priorities

Everything Is Illuminated

“She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

I believe, chronic depression can lead to feelings of despair and hopelessness, and a suicide attempt is one way some people (yes, SOME people) choose to express these feelings. I think most people who attempt or commit suicide don't really want to die- may be they just want their pain and suffering to end? I also don’t think a suicide attempt is also not done to gain someone's sympathy, as those that attempt to take their life do it for internal reasons-they simply can't stand the pain they feel emotionally and or physically.

The majority of the people who take their lives (estimated at 90%) were suffering with an underlying mental illness and substance abuse problem at the time of their death. They weren't sick, but their brains were!!! Too often we think that a person is their brain, that’s where their personality or character resides. This is not true.

The brain is an organ just like the liver, the kidneys, the gall bladder, etc. When it gets sick too often the appearance of the problem is in the form of a mental illness, as in the case of depression, anxiety disorders, or even schizophrenia. If the brain is sick too long, research says it can lead a person to taking their lives. This isn't always the case, as millions of people live with depression and never attempt or die by suicide.

A Wife

I am fat with love! Husky with ardor! Morbidly obese with devotion! A happy, busy bumblebee of marital enthusiasm. I positively hum around him, fussing and fixing. I have become a strange thing. I have become a wife.